What We (Christians) Can Learn From Celebrate Recovery

What if every Christian learned to ‘openly’ own ‘the sin that so easily besets’ him or her, whether it be anger, lust, greed, etc.? All those things that Scripture teaches us not to do or be. What if every Christian took their personal addictions to pride, lust, pornography, anger, selfishness, idolatry, etc., so seriously, that we formed ‘recovery’ (to biblical humanity) groups to share our disposition to these sins and entered a commitment partnership to ‘change?’

After thirty-something years of being a Christian, I now think and believe, we do need to form ‘recovery’ groups for the sins that so easily beset us. This allows us to own our vulnerability as humans who need the support of the Holy Spirit and other human beings to become the people God wants us to be. It would also prevent our dark sins from taking hold of and ruling us, because they occur in private where no one can see.

I have one such sin in my life. It started eight years ago. After almost a lifetime of being an evenly keeled emotional and rational person, I entered a ‘zone’ of anger and irritability. The very first time I experienced this was towards my then four year old daughter. I was so irritated and angry over nothing, I spanked (which is a very loose word for what I did) her. Prior to this, I’d neither ever yelled at, nor spanked my child. Before that, I‘d never yelled at nor spanked any child in my life for that matter. Rather, I was what could have been considered the ‘child whisperer.’ I could make children comply without yelling, screaming or fighting with them. I could see into their hearts and somehow make a connection each personality such that allowed me communicate and elicit their harmonious cooperation. So what just happened here???

When I saw my daughter cry from my hitting her, I was appalled. I thought I had done it gently, but upon looking at the spot in which I hit her, I saw it was red. I broke down and cried, fearing I was going crazy. What could have possessed me to do such a thing? I could find no explanation for it in my life. There were no priors of any sort, so I was completely bewildered by what I’d just done. I was also very scared that something might be wrong with me.

So I called Child Protective Services, told them what had just happened and begged them to send me somebody right away as I didn’t know what was happening to me and I wanted to ensure my child would be safe from me. They regretfully informed me they did not have enough staff to send to every one who spanked their children (to their credit, they did send someone two weeks later to do a follow up with me and for that I’m very grateful!).

Without a child specialist intervention, my only other options were my doctor and the police and in that order. I called my doctor and told him I thought something was wrong with me and I proceeded to tell him about the unusual irritability and anger and how that had led to my hitting my daughter. I told him I needed help and I needed it right away. Thankfully, he was able to see me that same day. After our conversation, he informed me there was really no help that could be prescribed for what I was experiencing, only a psychotropic drug like Prozac. I said “If it will ensure that I will not yell at nor hit my daughter again, I’ll take it!” So I filled my prescription and left.

That same evening, I attended the small group meeting led by the pastor of one the churches in the town I’d just moved into and confessed all that happened to the group and asked for their prayers. Everyone was compassionate and prayed for me and I left, still very confused and torn, but ready to start my new Prozac regimen to deal with the ‘demon’ of irritability and anger that had been unleashed in me.

The next morning, which was to be the first time I took the medication, I went to reach for it and the Holy Spirit stopped me. I have had several of these ‘God visitation’ moments in my life – moments when I’m transfixed and somewhat transported into another world and I hear ‘His’ voice. These visits are usually very brief, lasting only seconds in time, yet much is packed into them, it is hard to describe.

So transfixed, with my hand in mid-air reaching for my Prozac bottle, I heard the LORD give me a diagnosis of my condition. I’d just relocated to another state for ministry. Not being one to depend on others unnecessarily, I did the entire packing, loading, cleaning and driving the moving truck with my car hitched to it with the help of only one other person – a very good friend and Christian sister, who insisted she must come and assist me move. That five hour journey became an eleven-hour journey as I drove ever so carefully because of the precious cargo I carried in the truck with me: my three, about to turn four year old daughter.

The Holy Spirit then showed me my life since I was four months pregnant – that was when my ex-husband unrepentantly walked out on me and our unborn child. He showed me how I’d valiantly held down the forte, working and caring for my daughter in sickness and in health without help of any kind from any one. Except for the three hours a day when she was in preschool, I’d never had any help with babysitting or taking some time off for myself since my daughter was born. Not only that, because of my ex-husband’s refusal to contribute anything whatsoever to the child’s well-being and upkeep except he was compelled by the courts, my child and I lived on only one income until she was well over two, mine. On such a limited income, I had no choice but to remove the care of myself and my needs out of the equation, in the attempt to stretch every cent I had to meet the needs of my child. I went without meals, just so there’d be enough for my daughter to eat until the next pay check. I stopped using lotions (my skin dried up and became dark, wrinkled and dry like a lizard’s), doing my hair and catering to any other kind of personal needs that meant money was diverted from providing my child’s needs. I did all of this without regret as it was my desire and great joy to see my daughter thriving and doing so well despite the limitations of my single-parenthood. However, it seemed like with this last physical exertion, neither my body nor my mind could continue to put up with lack of care it was receiving from me. And this ‘crack’ was my body’s way of letting me know.

I was shocked! I had no idea whatsoever I had been this inconsiderate to my body, mind and soul. The LORD then let me know His own prescription: He wanted me to ‘include’ myself in the plan of care for my family of two; plan for your own time, recreation, feeding, body and mind care, etc.. And somehow, I saw and understood the need for it and said ‘yes,’ sealing my commitment and promise. And immediately, after what seemed to be like hours, but was really only seconds, my hand came down and I walked away from my Prozac bottle to think and plan how I could ‘include myself’ in my day’s obligations and responsibilities.

So for the one month prior to my follow up visit to my doctor to evaluate the effectiveness of the Prozac, I tried instead to comply with the prescription of the Holy Spirit. I dared to eat when I made my daughter food, I drank juice again, I bought my favorite snacks, I exercised and took naps and I started thinking of myself a little bit more. So that by the time I went back to my doctor, he was impressed with my feedback. I’d had no more episodes of irritability and anger in the whole month!

Until life took over again! As a single mom and a minister, it really IS the hardest thing of all to think of one’s self!! No kidding! And after this one month of careful attention, I slipped back into irritability and anger, which became more frequent. I went back to the doctor, tried and had to get off the Prozac because of the ensuing side effects of depression and suicidal thoughts. My gynecologist then put me on an estrogen-based hormone replacement therapy which restored me to a semblance of the self that I knew prior.

After three months of this almost really good HRT, the LORD asked me to get off of it, promising me healing. I refused, because this was the only thing that had worked in three years of searching for help outside of myself. But three weeks later, a terrible reaction to it caused me to come off it. Three weeks to a month later, it was in the news that the medication was creating several severe crippling effects in users, had been recalled and there was a mass action lawsuit against the pharmaceutical company! I would have been one of those crippled by the medication if not for the LORD’s timely intervention!

I decided to surrender to the LORD and let Him lead and guide me into caring for myself, but like I said, life does get hectic and throw all my good intentions towards myself out the window. So that I find myself going back and forth periods when I can actually keep my schedule under control and better manage any incidences. But when I do lose control, I am really like a beast and hate myself for it just makes it worse. So I continued to search for help: self-help, personality and therapy books; prayer; fasting; counseling, etc..

Since medicating my situation had not been a good solution, I thought seeing a counselor (I enrolled my daughter with one too) might help rid me of the demon of irritability and anger.  However, nothing ‘on its own’ works, except the combination of strictly controlling my schedule, participating in support groups through Children & Youth Services, setting aside time to ensure that I do take care of me, and (most importantly) having a community of believers who love me enough to hear my confessions, pray for and give me honest counsel, as well as step in from time to time to ‘love’ on me. Together, all these have brought a breath of fresh air into my life – into those dark moments of pain and suffering which causes me to lash out at or on my innocent and unsuspecting child.

I long for the person I was before the ‘change’ eight years ago. I don’t know if I’ll ever see and know that person again (there’s been flashes of her on very few and limited occasions). Thus, I live with a sense of personal loss each day, like I lost a limb or something or a part of me has died and I always feel the aching emptiness where that part used to be. There’s such a deep sense of loss that nothing can fill. I hurt because of how dreadful I become with my daughter the times I can’t conquer my schedule and allocate time for me: the impatience, yelling, critical spirit, verbal abuse, etc.. So I live for those periods when I have conquered the ‘schedule wizard’ and I can at least have a resemblance of what my life used to be before the disorder caused by my experience. And I live for those moments when either of my Christian brothers and sisters show up at my door to force some ‘me’ quality time upon me with their love, care, prayers and company, and when those close to us offer to give me a day of rest by spending some time with my daughter.

We human beings, especially Christians, are so ashamed to own up to secret battles with sin of any kind. We fear that that would retract our testimony of salvation. But that’s not the case. Yes, we (Christians) have been saved (by Christ’s Blood and have fellowship and relationship with the Triune God), but it doesn’t mean we are now ‘perfect!’ We are all still works in progress and each and everyone of us still needs the daily proclamation and hearing and receiving and responding positively to God’s Word to continue that work of transformation. There will be no perfection until we ‘see’ Jesus face to face!

And openly confessing, owning up to and seeking help for our different areas of struggles is one way by which we are conformed more and more into Christ’s image. Just as in Celebrate Recovery, as we confess, admit, acknowledge and seek help for our different sins in ‘community,’ we are built up, strengthened as Christians and become more Christ-like as we confess our sins to and pray for one another to be healed.

Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. James 5:16a&b, AMP

[My] brethren, if anyone among you strays from the Truth and falls into error and another [person] brings him back [to God], Let the [latter] one be sure that whoever turns a sinner from his evil course will save [that one’s] soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins [procure the pardon of the many sins committed by the convert]. James 5:19-20, AMP

Our entire nature is corrupted by sin, therefore to ignore sin in one’s life because one is a Christian, is counter-intuitive to the very term ‘Christian.’ Being a Christian means you now ‘recognize,’ ‘fight,’ ‘resist’ and ‘denounce’ sin in you. It means we use every God-given resource to distance ourselves away from sin. It means we unashamedly proclaim what areas we need deliverance from the stronghold of sin and our progress in reclaiming that part of our life controlled by sin for God.

The purpose of confession is not to make excuses, but to seek help, as all Celebrate Recovery participants will tell you. There are certain sins in our lives that we can’t overcome by ‘doing it alone,’ or doing it ‘in secret’ or ‘private.’ Certain sins and failings require open confession/revelation, admission and ownership of failure and guilt and ‘community intervention’ for healing and restoration to occur.

I don’t know about you. I don’t know what your story is. What are you struggling with? How are you coping with your problem? Have you found help yet or would you like some help? If you so desire, you could either email me and or share your story here (if you feel up to it), that we might all pray, be washed and transformed together.

It is my prayer that Christians will progressively come to the place where we all can unashamedly acknowledge our weaknesses to one another and find help from the God Who promised to meet us in our need and that we can also confidently and unashamedly proclaim and support one another in our victories over the battles with sin in our lives. I pray that you can find the help that you need (depending on the cause of your affliction, each person’s remedy is different. But you’ll never know what’s the best path to follow until you admit you have a problem and seek help. So please seek help today!). I pray that you can find a loving, non-condemning, community of Christian brothers and sisters with whom to share your story and who will walk with you in your journey. I also pray that you’ll walk with someone else who needs help with ‘recovery’ on their journey!

God’s love and peace to you!