Last year was the first time I came across the push-backs against Mother’s Day and the special attention it is given in the church. Most of the arguments for why Mother’s Day should not be celebrated included the loss of those who had buried children and mothers, and or who could not bear children or didn’t have any, or because of those who’d had terrible experiences with their own mothers or had no relationship with their own mothers. Yesterday, I read an article along the same vein from a seminary professor, advocating that Mother’s Day not be celebrated in the Church for such reasons.
Until yesterday, I’d sort of bought into the arguments from last year’s articles, choosing to identify with the pain of those who suffered and thus validating their rejection and resentment of Mother’s Day celebration. After reading the professor’s article, I was about to hit the ‘share’ button, to show that I empathized with the acclaimed suffering and pain of those who for whatever reason did not think Mother’s Day should be celebrated. But as I went to hit that button, my finger hovered for a long time over it, and I just could not push it and for several minutes, I hovered over the ‘share’ button with the question racing through my mind “What’s wrong with having Mother’s Day and what’s wrong with celebrating it?” I had no answer in that moment and I decided that because of my doubts, I would not share the anti-Mother’s Day article.
Well, today, I had to preach on both Jesus’ Ascension as well as Mother’s Day, and I woke up with so many responses to my previous day’s question that it was all I could do to get ready for service rather than come here and write this article.
For one thing, I found that as a biblical egalitarian, I had problems with someone saying because not every woman was a mother, we should not neither celebrate nor have Mother’s Day. To me, that seemed to be doing the very thing that we as Christian egalitarians fight against in our Christian complementarians – defining womanhood by our ability to bear or not bear children. It is in a roundabout sort of way, denying the diversity found among women and in womanhood and forcing women to be uniform -seen from only one point of view. In this case, the point of view that minimizes a particular biological ability which many women have, in order that we might find all women the same.
It is saying eradicate the acknowledgment of a God-given gift, one of nature’s miracles, because not everyone experiences it.
It is denying what the Church of God is meant to be – an inclusive space for different people with different abilities and experiences. Yet, celebrating our uniqueness and diversity, even while enjoying the unity created by the Precious Blood of our Precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I am very uncomfortable with that.
I am uncomfortable because first as a Christian, I am taught to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). As a Christian, I am taught that in the household of God, we don’t all look or act the same. We are not all even the same. We should not seek to be the same. Rather, each person is specially equipped by God to live out a life that somehow in communion with other Christians gives a true representation of God’s Kingdom.
In that Kingdom, we are told some have some things, while others lack what others have and we are told the way to go is to ‘share’ what we have, rather than give up what we have in order to make everyone feel good.
Being a mother is a gift, and it is a gift that God in His wisdom has created more ways than one for every woman to participate in. More ways than biologically having children. More ways than adopting children. More ways than ‘feeling’ like one is or has a good mother.
Today, for mother’s day, I celebrated women in my life who were biological mothers. I also celebrated women who were not biological mothers, but whose contributions in my life help me be a mother to my child. The people on whose shoulders I cry when parenting gets too stressful. The ones who come running when I say “I need a break from parenting!” The ones who show up because I feel I just can’t take one more step because of exhaustion and they step in to lighten my load, taking over my household chores so I can rest and so feel like being a mom again. I celebrated them, because although they were not mothers, their positive input in my life helps me be a mother to my child. So technically, they help me mother my child.
I also celebrated with women who had lost their children, as I called to let them know those lost lives still counted before God and to reassure them they still had futures to look forward to, even if those futures did not include dreams of being cared for by their children.
I celebrated with those who cannot have and have no biological children, but whose hearts and doors have always been open and kind to the children of others. Those, who having no formal adoption papers, yet mothered many beyond the capability of any biological mother.
I celebrated with those who had lost their moms, and for whom mother’s day left a gaping hole. I called to let them know God does fill those empty spaces in our hearts and lives with the loves of more moms, although they could never take the place of their original moms.
I also celebrated with those who although chose to have no children, do not hesitate to love other people’s children, as though they were their own.
I did all of these things without any sense of guilt that I was being less than godly or Scriptural, but quite the opposite – I did them because I know the God we serve is able to be and is all things to us all. I know because the Scriptures say so. I also know from experience because my immediate nuclear family unit has suffered the lack of one spouse and one parent from day one and I have seen God be all things to my child and myself. And so when Father’s Day comes around, we are happy to celebrate Father’s Day along with all those who have intact, two-parent homes.
Others, whom I did not biologically birth, also celebrated me, because they see me as their ‘Church Mama,’ or have been there for them in one way or the other that points to what having a mother means to them.
And so, I decided, no, I will not share such anti-Mother’s day sentiments anymore, nor would I encourage my Christian brothers and sisters to denigrate or put down or downplay Mother’s Day because not all women are biological or natural mothers. Or because some had terrible experiences with their mothers or had no mothers.
The God who created all women knows that He will and did not make all women mothers. Yet He requested, no, commanded that all mothers and fathers be honored. He then also created ways, natural, spiritual, psychological, etc., for any and every woman who so wishes to participate in the joys of motherhood, even if it does not directly stem from her.
He also made room for us, as the community of God to step in and be the things that are lacking for others. In Christ’s community, I can testify that according to His promises, I have found almost all relationships that are naturally lacking to me in the natural realm and order of things.
When we join with God to parent those who need (good) parenting (whether they be children, adults, families or ministries), we participating in that ongoing work of healing, nurturing and raising generations for God, which is what parenting is really about (Gen.18:19).
So, rather than continue to encourage the spread of negativity in Christian circles against Mother’s Day, I would like to challenge us all to think of ‘the bigger picture.’ It’s not just about us. Rather, it is about participating in a mandate that God has made possible for all (regardless of our biological abilities or marital statuses) to participate in…for His Kingdom purpose.
Procreation, nurturing, participating in raising future generations, is a God-given gift to humanity, but it is a gift that manifests itself in different ways, and not just through biology or the traditional nuclear family. So rather than write off Mother’s Day, let us continue to celebrate and honor all mothers in whatever context they appear. Let us open up God’s Word in Matthew 12:46-50, to show others how they fit into the bigger picture of being a ‘mother’ (or other family members) without needing to biologically bring forth children.
So let’s continue to celebrate and honor all mothers (in the continued expansion of our understanding of the term) on Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day!
P.S.
I would like to add this link to a book that although was written with another demographic in mind, I believe will help the Church help the hurting to heal and thus equip God’s people with the ability to celebrate each other in the different seasons of our lives. I would also like to add the disclaimer that I do not agree with all the author’s arguments, but I do agree with the bigger picture, which is the Church recognizing, embracing and fulfilling its responsibility to be/provide the missing relationships in the lives of its members.
Kaleidoscope Christian 